Being part of a step family...

Isn't hard, I count myself as incredibly lucky!

As life moves in to 2016, I’m pretty sure more and more people are part of a step family, it's more the norm these days – or it certainly feels it.  My mum and dad are still together, still married and most of my family are the same – I come from a very traditional background in that sense.  I'm the one who’s part of the step family, after marrying my husband. 

 

When I met Mr. B I knew he came as a package and that didn’t worry me at all.  His daughter (L) was then 15, he and his ex wife had split up long before and L has a step dad also.  Now, Mr. B is older than me by a few (19) years and there is only 5 years between L and I. This is something that people are always amazed by, god knows why – we’ve all got over it, it’s not strange to us!

 

Including me, L has two parents and two step parents.  L is now a grown up and lives on her own, but still spends her time between us all and at times all together.  We’ve always celebrated birthdays, some christmas’, events L has taken part in, celebratory dinners, parties etc, together.

 

People find it really peculiar that we do or are willing to spend time with Mr. B’s ex wife and her hubby, but I can’t understand why?  If you could, why wouldn’t you?  Surely if a child wants to have all their parents and step parents together and it's possible; why not?  What have you got to lose.  Yes, I can honestly say it was a little strange at first when we were first together; but it certainly isn’t now – its just part of normal life.

 

I'm very lucky, I’ve been accepted by L’s family and I do count them as extended family myself.  We’ve holidayed with L’s Nan, spent time on holiday with L’s Aunty and Uncle, had dinner with L’s mum and step dad, dealt with emergencies and situations together and spent christmas celebrations with L’s mum, stepdad, Nan, Grandad, sisters and friends.

 

People thought I was brave for going out for dinner with L’s mum and step dad and her friends to celebrate her getting in to university (Mr. B was working away). Or odd for us to meet L’s mum and step dad in London for the marathon; to watch and cheer L on (and have breakfast together while L was running her little legs off – it was early!).  But I’m not brave, I’m a grown up, they are nice people!  Why on earth would we do it seperately, why would we go to London and stand in separate places to cheer on the same person or why should L have to go for two separate dinner celebrations because her parents have split up?  Surely that just makes life complicated, awkward and difficult.

 

I wouldn’t think twice about phoning L’s mum for some advice, sending her a quick text to wish her well, popping in for a cuppa when I picked L up or going out for dinner with her and her hubby; honestly it’s just the norm.  No we’re not bestest friends and don’t spend every day in each others pockets, but we do have a relationship which I cherish, and I find it really sad when people feel they can’t have that relationship or any kind of contact for no specific reason.  

I am so happy and so proud that our life is as it is and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.  

 

I do understand of course that some people split up and the split is so acrimonious that you couldn’t possibly spend time in the presence of your ex, but if that isn’t the case then I’d encourage you to give it a try.

 

I know I am a great one for looking at life through rose tinted glasses and I know it’s not always as easy or as positive as I make it.  I’m aware I am very lucky and am also very grateful that we all get on – but if we didn’t all make that little bit of effort, it might be very different.

So if anything, I guess I’m just trying to tell you all, (if it's at all possible) an ex isn’t scary – go make an effort, go make friends, honestly your life could be better for it, so much easier than having to live everyting seperately and more importantly - so much nicer for your children.

 

Of course I’d like to extend a massive thanks to my step daughter L, her family and to Mr.B; who have taught me to live this way and show me that it is so easy and so rewarding.  And a big thanks to L's family who have accepted me as part of L’s life with Mr. B. You’re all amazing; I’m so lucky to be part of this one big extended family, to have you all and long may the happy times continue.

Sammy xx

Just a footnote.... I completely understand relationships are all sided, I know this would be completely impossible for some situations and this post is not intended to make anyone feel inadequate at all, I promise.  Everyone's life is different, everyone's story is different and everyone lives differently.