They were diagnosed together, went a bit doolally on all the morphine together and planned to have a joint funeral together. They didn't manage the joint funeral, Nan sadly didn't make it to Lyn's funeral and died the following day in the early hours of the morning.
Lyn's funeral was a lovely service, the sun shone madly following on from Morecombe and Wise's 'Bring me sunshine' on the way out of the crematorium. Everyone came back to mums to see nan while the children all played in the garden on one of the hotest days of the year. Nan had lost her marbles completely, but I think she had a good last day. One of the last things she said to me was that she could 'listen to this all day'. She meant the people chattering in the kitchen, drinking to toast Lyn, the children running around playing in the garden and people taking it in turns to come and sit with her and talk to her.
Nan's funeral was held on Nanny Pennick's birthday, which was again a beautiful day. Nan and Lyn skipped out of the crematorium together to 'Bring me sunshine' just like in Lyn's dream. We held a big party for both of them, with cake, balloons, bubbly a dj and of course our best party frocks.
All of this has been so hard to come to terms with, grief is a horrible thing. I know it happens to everyone, but it's just rubbish. I think as a family we have coped very well, but it takes a while to settle into a new way of life. Time isn't a great healer, but it certainly helps you adapt to a life without them and adapt to a new kind of 'normal'.
They say it takes a year and a day before you can start grieving because there will be 'firsts' all through that year. The 'first' birthday without them, the 'first' Christmas without them, the 'first' anything without them. We're slowly coming up to the 'first' anniversary of everything that went so awfully wrong last year, we're approaching the dates they were diagnosed and will be approaching the 'first' anniversary of them leaving us too.
I can't see that after the 'first' year has passed it will get easier, most of the time I can't see a day that will ever be easier and this last month I have struggled quite a lot to be honest. We've had Mum's 50th birthday, we held a surprise party that they both would have loved, we've had Mum's actual birthday, which understandably all my Mum really wanted to do was to spend the day with her Mum and I'm busy planning my 30th birthday which I would love dearly for them to both be at.
It is hard, but we struggle on, we try and support each other and for that I am eternally grateful. I'm not looking forward to the 'firsts' that are approaching, I guess none of us are.
I am very grateful that I have this great family and network around me and we all help to support each other, even if only by an occasional text. We may all be going through the same thing and have down days on different days but we're all going through these 'firsts' and I guess we have to make the most of them. So chin up, best breast forward and lets do what Nanny would do... When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!
TTFN, Sammy xxxx
