Thursday 22 March 2018

Anxiety

Here is a guest post from someone special in my life. It's okay to not be okay....

Anxiety.

First of all this isn’t a ‘sympathy post’. I’ve thought about posting this for a while; but have been put off by what others might think or say, but in fact what has got me feeling the way I have lately is exactly that. Keeping it all in. 

I’ve always been a worrier. An over-thinker. To the extreme in most cases. But I just thought that was normal. To worry to the point I made myself sick, insomnia, paranoia and worrying about social aspects of even leaving the house to go to uni or work sometimes. Thoughts turn into worries and worries consume all my thoughts. It’s like a feeling of doom. Like someone’s going to die or I’ve done something terribly wrong and everyone hates me. 

Sorry is my favourite word sometimes just to cover myself, because I always think I’ve done something wrong. It’s weird though, because even though all this is going on inside, on the outside I can carry on at work or Uni and talk to my pals. But sometimes it all becomes a bit too much and I end up in a ball of tears for no reason or have a panic attack or have a drink to forget it all (never a good idea) and sometimes make bad judgement calls. 

I can’t even tell you where these bad thoughts come from. I’m not depressed. I have a great life. Amazing family and friends. Training for my dream job. A roof over my head. Food in the cupboards. But somehow my head still gives me this idea that something horrible is going to happen, like I’m not deserving of any good things that happen or makes me obsess over the smallest thing. It’s so exhausting and draining. 

Over the years I’ve been trying everything to deal with this. Meditation, self help books, herbal remedies and even talking to people. But the last 2 months I just couldn’t see a light to what seemed like never ending bad things happening (bad things weren’t always happening just my brain making me think they were). I was in no way in that kind of dark place, but just couldn’t see the point of anything really. Everything was grey. All a bit Bleugh. It got to the point enough was enough. I spoke with family and realised it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to ask for help. 

I’ve heard so many people say just snap out of it or don’t worry about it. But with anxiety you really can’t just stop it. I never wanted to have to rely on pills to sort this anxiety. But, you know what.....Asking my Doctor for help is the best thing I’ve done. 

It’s early days, but since starting fluoxetine a couple of weeks ago the racing heart and constant anxious feeling is easing. I’m still having the odd panic attack but nowhere near as bad. I’m able to rationalise my own thoughts a bit better. Everything has a bit of colour again. I’m actually getting a few more hours sleep 🙌🏻 it’s a long road, but the reason for this post is to help people realise you don’t deserve to be unhappy or live in constant worry. 

There’s nothing wrong with not being ok and I’ve been surprised to find out how many people suffer with anxiety. There’s so many people and things around to help, use them. Don’t suffer in silence 💛

Lauren Barcroft

Sunday 11 February 2018

Happy New Year, Happy 200!

Well it's been a while!  So Happy New Year to you all!
This is also most excitingly my 200th post, how exciting! Who'd' ever have thought I'd still be writing this far down the line. I love writing and now the Bus is done and complete and handed over, I have much more time on my hands, so expect me back!

So a little catch up for you all, I'm almost a year into a new job I love, I'm still doing slimming world and everything else is pretty much the same, just a little older. Hey, if it isn't broke - don't fix it!

So I'm writing to tell you all about our exciting week away!  So this time last week my Mum and Dad had flown to Guernsey, they were having a romantic break for their 35th Wedding Anniversary and my Mum had no idea we and 4 of their friends were about to join them!  My Dad had asked for help to arrange his trip which I'd done and then later down the line had decided to surprise my Mum with other people arriving. Dad had done most of the hard work, even found a restaurant for us all to eat in on their anniversary and booked a table.

This time last week we were a little hung over from a giant 30th birthday party for my Step Daughter, L, and were off to have breakkie with L and her Mum, Stepdad and friends. We stopped off to print our boarding passes for our flights on Monday. So we had a bit of 'to do' as always, the printer ran out of ink so we needed to find somewhere else to print them, stopped off at a friends house only to realise the reason we couldn't check in to our return flight home on 8/2 is because I'd inadvertently booked it for 8/3.... what an idiot.

Cue an earlier trip to the airport to try and change our flights or book new ones, 45 minutes later with a far too helpful customer service rep - we were £200 lighter but at least flying home in February! The Barcroft holiday curse is always alive and kicking.

So we flew with two of Mum and Dads friends and spent the afternoon having a mooch around some lunch and drinks and then we all went our seperate ways for a siesta! We arranged to all meet in the bar which is where Dad would bring Mum in. 

We sat patiently in the bar wondering what kind of day they'd had (the visited the Isle of Sark in the snow on a horse drawn carriage!) and Mum and Dad walked in, it took a while for Mum to realise we were sat there, but she was super surprised, so job done - well done Dad! Mum then asked if anyone else was coming and we said no, only for Dad's best man and partner to walk in and join us too. Mum was so chuffed and was surprised people would pay money and come all this way to celebrate with her, but of course we wouldn't have missed it.  

We had a lovely week, despite it being February and hardly anything open, but I can tell you the food and drinks were fab (although we're all half a stone heavier now!)  Dad got a gentle ribbing about picking somewhere so cold for us all to go, or that they got married in February and not August, but all in good jest and we had a great time regardless.

I didn't take many pictures of our week, but here are a few.

Our hotel - Duke of Normandie (lovely place!)







German occupation museum



My Mum and Dad x


We have lots of lovely plans for this year, so New Years resolution in February is definitely to take more pictures!

TTFN, Sammy xx