I'm a sickly child....

Well I've been quite quiet of late, and for that please accept my apologies! September has been quite rubbish health wise and I've pretty much been ill for most of it!

It started with a nasty virus that wiped me off my feet completely. Swiftly followed by a water infection, which of course led to a kidney infection - and then man flu set in :0( it's been crap, I've not wanted to do anything other than sit around and feel sorry for myself.

It's been a tough month all round for lots of reasons, and adding work and ill health to that has made for a very grumpy Mrs. B.  But it can only get better surely, October and Autumn are just around the corner and maybe Christnas (shhhhh.... I keep being told off for mentioning it!!) 

So time to buck up those ideas and get back to it. Lots planned, lots of exciting things to look forward to and lots of finger crossing too please. I won't say too much but I'm certainly hoping for something brand new along the career line!

Ttfn, Sammy xx

It's a sad day.

So much bad news this week, but today it really is a sad day. 

They say death comes in three's, I'm bored and fed up of death now altogether and I wish that it didn't come at all.  Grief is shit and it never goes away.

That sums up my day today. Sorry to depress you all.

Thinking of everyone living with their bad news, their unbearable heartache and the turmoil of grief that is going on.  My heart goes out to each and every one of you.  Sending you all much love xx

Here's some poetry I've found about grief from reading another blog recently.  Who knows if it will help anyone, but I certainly understand the sentiments all the same. xx

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The ball in the bucket

Grief is like a ball in a bucket. To begin with it fills every space, and there is no room for anything else. But over time the bucket grows. It becomes a room, then a floor, then a whole house. The ball never gets any smaller, but your life grows and you have more space to move around your ball. With time there are days when you may not see the ball at all. Other days you open a door in your life and it trips you up. Some days it corners you. But with time you have more space to move the ball out of the way. Other people believe that the ball grows smaller and smaller and eventually vanishes. That is not the case. It will always be the same size.

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Hold me close and go away
Please visit me and please don’t stay
Talk to me but please don’t speak
I need you NOW – come back next week.

Emotions muddled, needs unknown
To be with others or on my own?
To scream out loud? To rant and shout?
Or hide away and push you out?

I smile at you – “She’s not that bad”
I shout at you – “She’s going mad”
I speak to you – “What do I say?”
I show my tears – “Quick, walk away”

It’s not catching, the grief I feel
I can’t pretend that it’s not real
I carry on as best I know
But this pain inside just won’t go.

So true friends, please, accept the lot
I shout, I cry, I lose the plot
I don’t know what I need today
So hold me close and go away.