Too much information (probably!)....

Well the last few weeks haven’t been too bad diet wise but I did put on 2lb last week.  I think I had a bit of an excuse, mum had her gall bladder out, my sister gave birth and I've been a tad on the busy side visiting them both and helping out where I can. But I got back on track, stayed a little focussed, even with our wedding anniversary and lost 3lb!  So I lost the 2lb I put on and an extra one to boot!  So down to ‘unmentionable stone’ 2 now, yippee! I will feel better when I'm under ‘unmentionable stone’ as I've never been this heavy before, so fingers crossed I can do it this week.  This week I have resolved to count everything that passes my lips and it’s now Friday and I've done it so far.  2 days down, 5 to go!

I'm struggling a little this week with life, so I'm hoping by being in control of my diet and my counting that this will give me something to focus on and see my through my blip in coping.  Unfortunately, or maybe in the weight loss world not, I am also really struggling with my IBS :0(

I developed chronic IBS in 2007, although I wasn’t aware that it was that back then and I spent a year undergoing all sorts of unpleasant tests to find out what it was.  My granddad died in December 2007 and on New Years Eve it started with a vengeance and sadly never went away.  I think I have possibly suffered a touch of it all through growing up, for example being nervous or anything like that make me feel very nauseous and will upset my tummy immensely, or hormonal times will also upset my digestion, but nothing like it was when it started in earnest. Apparently trauma can bring it on or make it flare up, and losing my granddad was certainly traumatic for me.  I am, or sadly now was, very close to my grandparents, I lived when them when I first left home and was first married and didn’t go a single day without seeing them for many many years. I guess I am lucky to pin point what triggered off my IBS but unfortunately it wasn’t something that I could just avoid, death is very sadly a part of adult life.

I have managed quite well over the last few years, had all sorts of allergy and food testing done to see what I can avoid to help my fateful tum, kept endless food diaries and taken pills till I've rattled, but for the most of the time I am well under control.  I do take continuous medication and have luckily only suffered a few set backs that have left me unable to leave the house, but I am suffering a bit of a relapse at the moment. Understandably after this year being so horrific, although I am learning to cope with a new form of ‘normal’ I'm not sure my brain has told my tummy yet!

Stress is also another big factor in my suffering, and includes stress over stupid things like having to drive to another office to work, there might not be parking, I might get lost etc etc, leaves me having a massive debate with myself over where is the best place to vomit… In my handbag or in the passenger footwell! Now being sick is my most unfavourite thing in the World, so feeling sick sends me into blind panic and then of course the stress is worse and makes me feel even worse.  I have since discovered being in other peoples cars exacerbates the problem and will leave me petrified and in tears for most of the morning and wondering as to whether to get in someone elses car and risk the vomiting and embarrassing myself, or just try and hold my breath for the whole journey and yell stop! every few miles.  Life sometimes isn’t fun being little old me :0(

Lots of people don’t understand illnesses you can’t see, employers can be a bit like this too and that is a bit frustrating. No, I'm not ill as in coughing and spluttering everywhere, but the pain I deal with and the unpleasant effects IBS entails is not fun at all. Some people suffer as well and understand only too well, others look at me and assume I am really pathetic or just being awkward to be saying, ‘No I’d really like to sit at my desk and do my work rather than being carted off round the countryside and leaving me in such a state that I will vomit in someones footwell!  Or don’t understand when I am so poorly I just need to stay in bed, drink only water and hope for the best.

I try not to moan too much about my IBS and when it is under control I can forget I have it. So lets be positive, lets hope I keep taking the tablets and keep rattling and hope against hope that it will lead to me losing weight if nothing else!

TTFN xx

A few things to be grateful for....

It is very important to stop for a while and take a look at what is around us. We are always ready to moan about things we are not happy with, but do we very often look at what we are grateful for?  I do pride myself on trying to be as positive as I possibly and when I am not being positive it's amazing what t can do to your mental health! And to say I've not been very positive of late is the understatement of the century.

I have been working in the same place for nearly two years, (although I'm now on my third department!) I love the people I work with, it is one of the best teams, always there to help each other, sociable, happy and very vocal and the company certainly isn't too bad to work for, yet I'm finding myself more and more unhappy.  The work isn't particularly hard, but we all tend to feel more and more like we are paid to be shouted at by customers and staff alike, picked up on every single thing we say or do and need to retain more information to carry out our roles than most cardiac surgeons do. We have to think on our feet, placate everyone and are given almost nothing to aide us.  Life is just impossible.  I'm sure it isn't really like this, but just how I have blown it out of all sorts of proportion in my mind.

I guess it started half way through this year when my family was hit with tragedy, death and destruction, I guess it started me thinking again about how short life actually is and how we should try and enjoy as much as possible and not waste time unnecessary.  Becoming increasingly unhappy at work is probably linked more to my grief process that I'm still trawling through rather than anything else, but none the less its been a major part of my life for a few months this unhappiness.  I am sick of the sound of my own voice, I dread to think how my neighbouring desk feels (sorry Loz) and I am sure I am making everyone around me negative too. I have turned into a right moaning Minnie!

I have been lucky enough to have the opportunity to go and work in another department for 6 months and I think this is definitely what I need, after all a change is as good as a rest! I am embracing my change whole heatedly and am happy to report.... So far so good.

But life isn't just about work, unfortunately it is usually a large part of our life, but I have other much more important things in my life.  My husband, my family, my puppy and my friends are way up there with the most important things in my world and I am pleased to report that my family has expanded this week!  Very excitingly, my beautiful little sister has been busily, quietly, with lots of health problems, been growing herself a daughter, and yesterday she finally joined the world to meet us all and I couldn't be more proud of her. 

Rebecca Ellen Martin-Yates joined us yesterday at 10.06 weighing in at a very healthy 9.2lbs born to two amazing parents, Charlotte Martin-Yates and Rob Yates and her big brother, William Martin-Yates. How amazing is my sister for growing her and keeping her 
safe, as indeed she did Willam 6 years ago.  I am secretly even more chuffed that she 
shares the same middle name with my Nan and I, but even if she didn't I'd still be as pleased as punch.  

I am sad that Nanny is not here to meet Rebecca in person, but I know she is busy at Charlotte's looking over her and making sure her and William are safe and that Charlotte is recovering well.  So, this aside, for October I am eternally grateful. Change of job, 7 year wedding anniversary and a brand new niece for a start and its only the beginning of the month!

So here's to new beginnings, changes and new life. I'm finally remembering to accept what I have gracefully and have the grace to change what is making me unhappy and stay positive throughout.  It's not about having the best of everything, but making the best of everything 
you have.  

Thank you all for being the best and helping make the best.

Ps... Nanny, she is beautiful and I'll give her a kiss from you, but no poking her to make her cry, Charlotte needs some sleep!!

TTFN, Sammy xx